Are you living your best possible life? Put differently, are you thriving, or just surviving? It’s a question few of us can answer with a resounding yes. After all, being true to yourself and leading an authentic existence isn’t easy. How to be your best self might be the most important subject in the world, but neither parents nor schools usually teach us how to go about it. If you want to change your life but aren’t sure where to start, this read might help.
Start today to put yourself on the path to a better tomorrow.
“You’re unique” Yes that’s right, “You’re unique”!! It’s a line you’ve probably heard a million times, but have you ever let it sink in? Nobody on Earth will know what it’s like to walk in your shoes. Every thought, experience and feeling you have is yours alone; there’s never been, and will never be, another you!
Chances are, however, that you were never taught how to be your best self. You entered the world as a blank slate which your parents filled with their own failings and hang-ups. Then came school. Sure, you learned all sorts of things, but what about connecting with who you really are? It’s pretty much the most important skill in the world, but you won’t find it on any curriculum. The result is that we often end up leading lives which feel a little off. There’s a vague sense we’re not being our true selves, but we’re not sure what to do about it. So how do you become yourself?
Let’s break it down. We all have two types of self: a positive best self – the person you’d like to be more often – and a negative anti-self which stops you being that person. The key is to learn to tell which self is in control. The best way to do that is to flesh out these characters and give them recognizable attributes.
Let’s start with the best self.
On a piece of paper, write down all of your positive traits: the things you admire most about yourself but don’t always act upon. Think of adjectives like “friendly,” “logical” or “brave.” That might be hard – after all, it’s much easier to criticize than praise yourself – but stick with it.
Next, put a face to that bundle of attributes. Does your best self have a specific gender? Is it an animal or mythical creature? What’s its superpower? I have the “Unicorn”. (that’s also the name of my company). A Unicorn is the symbolic mythical animal to represent: Being different, getting things done and creating the impossible. I never have a dull moment and like doing things different with a positive mindset. So I believe that mythical fits me well:)
Once you’ve settled on your best self’s appearance and character, you’ll want to sketch it. Don’t worry, this doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. The important thing is to have a representation to hang somewhere in your home to remind yourself of who you want to be.
Next, we’ll take a closer look at your best self’s nemesis: the anti-self.
What you need to do is write down everything you don’t like about your behavior when your anti-self is in charge. Use negative adjectives like “careless,” “irrational” or “angry” to fill your list. Push past any sense of shame. Things look a lot scarier when they’re lurking in the shadows, so think of this as taking a flashlight to the problem.
Now repeat what you did with your best self: put a name and a face to it! Remember, this is an exaggerated version of yourself, so don’t be afraid to make this character cartoonish. In fact, the more ridiculous your portrait, the easier it’ll be to remember the behavior you want to avoid in the future.
Think of five recent situations when your anti-self was in control. Write down how it behaved and then compare it to what your best self would’ve done. Keeping that in mind will help you step back and make better decisions when you’re triggered rather than simply losing it. You might find this tough at first, but with practice, it can become second nature.
Fear is the enemy of your best self but it can be conquered with honesty.
Becoming your best self is a journey. That means you’ll face obstacles along the way. If you want to reach your destination, you’ll need to avoid potholes and other hazards. And the biggest obstacle you’ll encounter is fear.
The best way to overcome it? Face up to it and be honest with yourself.
Remember, fear is a habitual liar. It whispers in your ear that you’re not good enough or that other people are judging you. Eventually, you end up with an entirely distorted view of the world and waste precious time and brainpower mulling over what-ifs. That means you’ll become so consumed by worries about hypotheticals that you won’t get anything positive done.
But here’s the good news: there are a couple of simple strategies to put your fears into perspective. The first step is to identify them. Grab a pen and write out this question: “What are the fears that have held me back from making changes to my life?” Take a close look at your answers – is there an overarching theme? Are you terrified of failure, for example, or what people think about you?
Now you’re ready for the next step: putting your fears to the test. Like any other muscle, the brain can be trained. Negative thinking, however, usually means that you’re focusing on fear, rather than solutions. What you need is an action plan to beat fear, and here’s how.
Write down these three headings:
- “My fear is,”
- “It’s keeping me from” and
- “My plan to stop my fear becoming reality is.”
So, say you’d love to quit your job and set up your own business but the prospect of financial ruin is holding you back. One solution would be to put enough money away to tide you over for six months and only quitting your job once you’ve saved that amount.
Another great tool is visualization. Next time fear raises its ugly head, try out this technique. Close your eyes and imagine putting all of your anxieties into a massive cardboard box. Now shrink that box in your mind’s eye until it fits into the palm of your hand. Finally, picture yourself hurling that negative package into a deep, dark canyon and savor the feeling of relief that washes over you as you watch it drop out of sight.
Advice:
Integrate “quiet time” into your weekly schedule.
Have you ever wondered why people chant “om” when they meditate? Focusing their minds on that repetitive syllable helps them drown out distracting thoughts and worries that go with the hustle and bustle of modern life. You don’t have to take up meditation to put that idea to good use, though. The key is to find a quiet moment at least once a week in which you can simply be. Your quiet time doesn’t have to literally be quiet – in fact, some people find that listening to their favorite music with the volume turned up helps them to center themselves. If that doesn’t work for you, how about simply spending quality time gazing at your favorite painting or breathing mindfully?
Let me know how you are doing on “becoming a better version of yourself” 🙂
Love, Marietta
